want myself back

today i am lost... dont know what to say .. whom to say.. what to crib but to whom ..i have no clue.. today i am just too blank ... i have not only lost my smile today but myself too... today i got a msg which shattered me .. i want to quit ... i want to leave from the fest thing.. but only thing that stops me is what will my president (Sasha) will go thru ... as today i can understand what she must be going thru .. n only thing that stops me from telling her that i dont want to be the part of fest is i might add up to her prob...

dont know if i am doing the right thing or not ... should i stop interacting with kids (students) like i do... i get too friendly with them.. cant help it though .. but if i change myself i wont be honest to myself.. as me being with them is like being with myself.. acting myself.. but today i really feel i should mentain some distance with them... as today i have hurt someone badly.. i guess thats the reason that she reacted in such a way n msged ...

i want to cry n take out all my sorrow today ..but just not able to cry... i want to come back to normal self as i know there is lots to be dome as fest is just 2 days away... fest ... the dream which i had more then 2 months back n sasha helped me live that dream .. she is the best prez .. best person n best friend which one can ever have .. she is my fav kid too .. as she took charge of everything ... n this fest is only a one woman show ... fest was not possible without her ... from day one she was sooo clear as to what she wants things n how she wants things .. n 2nd person .. who is my daughter Banini ... her inputs ..wow!! she is best .. but i know these days she is going thru a lot herself... i know she is not able to sleep at all from the last few days coz of the fest tension .. we all r tensed but she is the one who is max tensed .. i really hope we pull this up... fest fest n fest thats what i eat.. drink n sleep these days ...

Ya Allah ..maddad... plzz make me come out of this really low phase today ... i want to .. i want to write so so much.. but dont know whats stopping me...

too blank to write anything ...

my space... my own space

have always been thinking to get hold of one blog... my own blog.. finally did... wait let me go n grab something mitha to eat then will write ... oops blog....

(y mitha... coz i am like that .. like celebrating each n every small n big thing ... same age old traditions ... but i luv them... ) cant live without them .. as at the end of the day they bring all of us together .... (chaliye ji kuch mitha ho jaye)