want myself back

today i am lost... dont know what to say .. whom to say.. what to crib but to whom ..i have no clue.. today i am just too blank ... i have not only lost my smile today but myself too... today i got a msg which shattered me .. i want to quit ... i want to leave from the fest thing.. but only thing that stops me is what will my president (Sasha) will go thru ... as today i can understand what she must be going thru .. n only thing that stops me from telling her that i dont want to be the part of fest is i might add up to her prob...

dont know if i am doing the right thing or not ... should i stop interacting with kids (students) like i do... i get too friendly with them.. cant help it though .. but if i change myself i wont be honest to myself.. as me being with them is like being with myself.. acting myself.. but today i really feel i should mentain some distance with them... as today i have hurt someone badly.. i guess thats the reason that she reacted in such a way n msged ...

i want to cry n take out all my sorrow today ..but just not able to cry... i want to come back to normal self as i know there is lots to be dome as fest is just 2 days away... fest ... the dream which i had more then 2 months back n sasha helped me live that dream .. she is the best prez .. best person n best friend which one can ever have .. she is my fav kid too .. as she took charge of everything ... n this fest is only a one woman show ... fest was not possible without her ... from day one she was sooo clear as to what she wants things n how she wants things .. n 2nd person .. who is my daughter Banini ... her inputs ..wow!! she is best .. but i know these days she is going thru a lot herself... i know she is not able to sleep at all from the last few days coz of the fest tension .. we all r tensed but she is the one who is max tensed .. i really hope we pull this up... fest fest n fest thats what i eat.. drink n sleep these days ...

Ya Allah ..maddad... plzz make me come out of this really low phase today ... i want to .. i want to write so so much.. but dont know whats stopping me...

too blank to write anything ...